21.

I turned 21 yesterday. And unlike the drunken debauchery most young adults might have opted for, I chose to spend the night with a few good friends bowling. There was drinking, I'm not going to sugar coated, but nothing too off handed, Journal. My best friend who is going to college in Washington had come down, we drank a few glasses of wine before we met up with another friend of mine. After the bowling-which was shameful, might I add- we bought some Mike's Hard Lemonade, ate some Carl's and hung around. It was a pleasant evening. For a second, before I almost lit myself on fire from the embers of my cigarette, I felt infinite. Sitting in my friend's white Mustang listening to The Cure, as the last few hours of my birthday waned, was one of the best moments I've ever had.

Sadly, some "best friends" of mine, didn't even have the decency to wish me a Happy Birthday. Which is fairly disappointing, but I will remember this. I'm not one to hold grudges, but they should consider themselves written out of my proverbial "book." To some girls, if you don't have a Penis, it's as though you don't even exist. I hate sluts. I guess that's why I've never had an interest in romantic relationships, I don't want to be just like them. I know I would never, and that someday, it may find me- some girls are just SO WEAK. I hate it. And it angers me to an extreme unlike any other. >:O To each their own.

Through the Roof 'n' Underground

The eleventh hour is passing. Seriously, it's 11:42. I should be settling myself into bed, but I realized I haven't written in a while. I've been in a state of lethargy, lately. My days are like a watercolored painting, blending into each other. Speaking of painting, I've picked up painting this past two months. I want to start working with vinyl paints, because standard acrylics are pissing me off. I live for glossy sheen. That's why, when I have my own place somewhere in the future, everything is going to have a glossy sheen, and PopArt brightness. I want to live in a cartoon-world.
The end is coming near. No, really, school is almost over. Summer is around the corner, and so is my 21st birthday. I fear of becoming a bawdy alcoholic. Not. That's the least of my worries. I'm an Appletini kind of broad. I hope the summer isn't disappointing. I'm going to be seing one of my favorite bands, La Roux. Going to Vegas? Philosiphizing with a few good mates. Coffee shop doodling solo. I need to write something I can possible submit to Inscape. I am certainly taking the editing course if the hours permit, it looks like bushels of fun!
I love the life I think I'll have in the future. It usually never ends up that way. Things never go as plans, and that's life's way of giving you suspense and excitement. You're in a movie. No, movies are predictable. You're in a book! Yes, you're in a book.

OM EYE GOT.

My laptop has been returned to it's rightful place after spending a week in intensive care. Since then, I've been... You know. I got a Yoga/Meditation dvd, I think I'll actually try to keep up with it after I control my unbearable laughter. Are these people serious? Why, at $19.99 they better be. My chi is in the wrong place, my karma is out of funk and my houses are disaligned. Oh, my room is a mess, as well.
I have finished reading my fourth Chuck Palahniuk Book, Survivor. It kind of sucked, I'm not going to lie, but I really liked the philosophy of it. I think it only sucked because going into it, I knew it would. I liked Choke, Invisible Monsters and the ever so famous, Fight Club. I'm onto Snuff, Diary, Haunted and Rant next. Wish me luck.
You know, I should really be finishing this novel I started writing that Chuck Palahniuk inspired me to right. With the way my life is going, I'll never get around to it, and Hotdog Guy will be arrested in developement, along with Protagonist A. I haven't created a name for Protagonist A or Hotdog Guy yet. Something with a J, for Hotdog Guy. I like J's.
When I was a kid, I used to draw people without arms, and sometimes without legs. My teachers thought I had a serious problem. I wonder how I saw the world back then? Still life.
I have an addictive personality, I hate it. I'm too chatty. Chatty Christine. I should have my mouth wired shut. I'd even lose weight that way, I'm seriously considering it. Unless, that, too has become outdated.

.

I-Am-Lost. I feel like pulling all my hair out. I'm not even doing what I'm supposed to be doing. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

Ensign.

I should have been prepared but I wasn't, this fault of mine, grew such a passion! You're probably thinking, "Christine, what are you talking about?" The one and only Anton Chekhov, of course! (Not to be confused with Ensign Pavel Chekhov from Star Trek: The Original Series.haha) Yeah, I mis-interpertered an assignment, and ended up terribly failing a Pop Quiz on Chekhov shorts! You'll be pleased to know, I have now read the required reading and then some! Actually, YOU, probably don't care. I know reading the stories won't do me much good now with the test ... but I do hold a glimmer of hope for an impending essay! Dun dun dunnnn.

I love analyzing things (and highlighting!) I have also noticed, this recent philosophical side of me emerged after College. I had been missing out on 18 years of enlightenment, can you believe that? Now that I'm settling into my twenties, I've been more atuned to what has been written between the lines; and let me tell you, it's SHOCKING! I feel like Candide at the end of... Candide! Haha. Actually! I think I can date my budding of analysis back to my 12th year, when I interpereted Beowulf as an Epic Gay Drama (which, I later found out, wasn't the only person to have thought so!) I pity those who think, "It is what it is" because they are blind to the possibilities of the world around them. The meanings, the symbolism. Here, I must sound like a loon, so I'll change the subject.

I like to write, so it's only feasible that I like to give things their own meanings (bizarre as they may be!) I haven't been writing my Fiction for ages, and I feel rather detached from that hobby these days. I think I've been more focused on being human. Driving, a great peril of mine. I'm not that BAD, but I'm no Dale Earnhardt JR. either. I'm directionless; Interpret that whichever way you please. Wait, I never changed the subject did I?

How about them Yankees?Cowboys?Lakers?Steelers? I've noticed I use that ice breaker quite often when awkward silence permits it. That's what I hate; awkward silences! I'm chatty, and I'm only chatty because silence is BO-RING in a room full of people. It's AWKWARD. I don't care what you'll think of me if I say we should clone Jesus from what we find on the Shroud of Turin, or how BIZARRE you might think me for my awe-striking statements. I like Drama. Not bad drama like "he said, she said." But, you know, excitement. I like to evoke conversations people would not normally partake in. Well behaved women never make it in History, is that right?

I'm going to finish reading, The Woman with the Little Dog, then it's bed for Ol' Hickory. No, they don't call me that, but they should.

Emay Osay Appyhay!

Let me start off by saying, I had the best weekend! I got to see Leonard Nimoy for Selected Shorts at the Getty Center (with a wonderful line-up of readers, mind you!) I had a blast. The day prior to the event, I attended an International Festival, which was pretty fun, too! Nothing beat seeing Leonard Nimoy, though! I'm such a trekkie (and sadly, the only Trekkie there that night, and the only one under 45!)
Today, was pretty darn good, too (beside me veering my car into oncoming traffic; I had mistakenly thought it was a turning lane. Merde!) I got an A on an In-Class essay! These small victories really make my day, considering not much else goes on in my life. The next considerably exciting thing for me is recieving my autographed picture of Michio Kaku from his Official Website! I've got a frame and everything ready for it. He's my favorite Theoretical Physicist! :-] You know, oftentimes I wonder why I'm so intrigued by Science when I am so terrible at it (when it comes to equations; I hate math!) I would KILL to see either Brian Cox (mmm!), or Michio Kaku, who happen to be my two top fave Physicists (but as far as I know, Cox hasn't done any presentation or appearances in Los Angeles, and Kaku does his lectures all the way in Berkley!)
I need to start reading again (for leisure.) I remember how I used to read two books a week, I'm lucky if I have time for one every month, if even that! I'm going to swear off the internet, it's been taking too much of my time. I've also had some stints with cyberstalking; that is why I had to take my full name off of my Facebook page! Some people are just ridiculous. I am disgusted by humanity whenever I come across these dispicable figures online. (Thankfully, I can write here, since nobody reads my blog, or really know of me on blogger! haha)

Where is My Mind?

Sometimes, I think my life will turn out like a Chuck Palahniuk book. An event, that will lead to another event, and several events after that until the pinacle end. A fiery explosion. I will end in flames, from dust I came, and to dust I will return (to loosely quote the Bible.)
I am an extension of every single character I've ever written about. To quote The Wombats, "I hope that no one ever leaves, 'cause I don't want to be alone with me." It's hard having all these characters inside you trying to come up for air. Slowly, I hope to kill each and every one of them off, and somewhere within the depths Christine will emerge (that is, unless they haven't gotten to her already.)
In life, I've only got so much to look forward to: Nurse Jackie. Jeopardy. . . and sadly, that's about it. You know, I think people in general have given up. We don't "look forward" to things anymore. Do we look forward to the next day? It's all just routine, we expect tomorrow to be there when we wake up in the morning. I wish there was something... something to make me go, "Hey! Tomorrow is going to be awesome..." But it never is. It's always just "tomorrow." Even the whole prospect of seeing Leonard Nimoy live at the Getty Center has lost it's appeal. Okay, maybe not wholly, it's made me more nervous than anything. You know what I liked? I liked sitting in my room watching "Into the Wild", living through Chris McCandless on his trek to Alaska- Except, my dreams did not die with him, they grew. He inspired me, and I fear, I lost some of that inspiration along the way.
I should start writing again, my characters need me. Hotdog guy and his life-size gum sculptures need my full attention, he's quite neurotic, you know. It's almost three, and here I am, watching Cash in the Attic. I haven't changed the channel for hours, not since Dr.Who had finished. At first, I completely hated the idea of David Tennant being replaced as The Doctor, but I'm getting quite fond of the new bloke they've got now. What ever happened to Torchwood? It never shows anymore. What is it me and television? It's sickly! I should get out of the house some.

THE MOST EXCITING NEWS EVER!

Okay, so let me start off by saying that I have stuck to this Vegan diet for a week now, and it isn't as hard as I thought it would be. Although, the cost of living a healthier lifestyle is much more difficult and pricier, it is certainly well worth it. I choose to go Veg for the health benefits, so I can "Live long, and Prosper!"-- Which brings me to THE MOST EXCITING NEWS EVER! Leonard Nimoy will be reading a short story at the Getty Center May 1st! Of course, I will be in attendance. I have been dreaming of catching Leonard live ever since I was a wee little girl, and now I've got the opportunity! A few months ago, he did an opening of a film shown at the Griffith Observatory, and although I was dying to go, the price (at $150 for admittance) did not assuage me. Now, I have the opportunity again to see him, at a fairer cost! Leonard, the great Ed Asner, Fionnula Flanagan and JoBeth Williams will be reading a few short stories at the Harold M. Williams Auditorium. So exciting! I've been a Spock fan ever since I caught my first glimpse of the Vulcan as a child, and later on, I got into the Original series as a teenager. I've even been voted, "Hottest Trekkie" on one of the Star Trek forums; what a laugh! I enjoy watching The Next Generation, Deep Space 9, and the other hundred and three variations of Star Trek, but nothing beats The Original Series! Wow, I sound like a real dork!
Anyways, It's Spring Break, and it's sad to say I will be cooped up indoors for the duration of my vaca. There isn't anything fun to do. Nothing really interests me anymore. How I wish I were still on my anti-depressants! Perhaps I should be my own doctor, and prescribe my self nature's seratonin and eat a whole mess of bananas! Eh, bananas don't interest me much. I've been habitually injesting caffeine to keep my mood elevated, but that makes me too jittery, and I give off the facade of being a crackhead, so to speak.
What I WILL be doing on my break is studying spanish, analyzing Hamlet, reading the Bible, and if I have time, sneak in, Steig Larson's, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I also need to hone up on my Jeopardy skills. I lack knowledge in Biblicial questions, Economics and Government. Speaking of which, the show starts in 20 minutes! Hasta luego!

To Veeg or not to Veeg, That is the Question!

I have recently taken up Veganism. I have an incredibly addictive personality, where I pick something(a hobby, usually) I'm interested in, and devote all my time and energy into it. I hope this is a phase that will last for the duration of my lifetime. I hate having these "creative outbursts." Recently, I gave up the stint of wanting to be a fashion designer (after having purchased a sewing machine, accoutrements (sp?), & enough fabric that could cloath a small third world country), I even sewed together some seemingly acceptable dresses. I went to Whole Foods today to purchase Vegan friendly foods, and beside their ridiculously high prices, I will certainly be returning back there. I have to admit, it's REALLY hard, but I've made it three days! They say, if you keep something up for a month, then you will make it a habit that will stick, and I'm sure hoping that will be the case.
Reaching further in, it is suffice to say, my "addictive personality" has always been a mystery to me. I don't know why I jump from one obsession to the other? Die hard obsession. I'm not sure you can call it addictive, because it wears off whenever I get bored of (the hobby) and switch to something else; but listen to this! I always return to that (hobby) later on. It's like a vicious cycle of hobbies! For example: The sewing, the stenciling, the painting, the bow-making, the jewlwery making, the hempworking, The pianist, the director, the cartoonist, the gnome collector, and so on.) It's ridiculous. I think it's because my parents never nurtured my creativity when I was growing up. Too Freud? Yeah. When I was 8, I played the entire "My Heart Will Go On" song from Titanic on my little keyboard by ear. This didn't phase my mother, I was never signed up for Piano lessons. Instead, Gymnastics. I was an overweight 8 year old, I wasn't going to turn out to be the next Dominique Dawes, I couldn't even tumble! I don't blame my parents, they're not very westernized with their views. I'm lucky to have been born and raised here instead of Lebanon (which I am also a Citizen of!) I have a really close relationship with my mother, we do practically everything together. I do hate the fact she sings incorrectly to songs in the car, but it makes me laugh when she tries to ride it off as saying, "Oh, they're singing the song wrong." Or when I tell her to stop, and she starts humming. I'm not sure she's aware, or why she has this desire to sing-a-long to songs. When I listen to music, I want to get lost in my own thoughts- I don't know where my head is half the time. I don't drive much, but I can easily say, there hasn't been a time I've driven with the radio on. My mom's a gas! She's a funny woman, and sort of childish in her own right.
I think I'm about to turn in now, Journal. Perhaps I'll try and locate the episode of Nurse Jackie that aired tonight, since I don't have Showtime anymore! >:O Buenos Noches.

Shake, Rattle & Roll!

As a californian, you'd think I would be accustomed to these ever so frequent seismic shakedowns; but no. Last night, 4 AM, I was startled awake (from an amazing dream, might I add!) by a 4.4 magnitude earthquake. May my two bottles of Italian perfume rest in peace. Not only had I managed to drag myself to bed early that night, but did I really need to be woken up during the middle of the night? This is God's way of telling me I should stay up as late as I would like. If you Californians thought this was bad, what do you think the residents of Forks, Washington must feel every time a Cullen needs to get busy? Yes, I'm talking about Emmett & Rosalie, Bella & Edward, Jasper & Alice, and Carlisle & Esme (although, I much prefer not to think about it!) Which brings me to my next point!
Nurse Jackie, starring Edie Falco, and my favorite, Peter Facinelli (aka, Carlisle Cullen in the Twilight movies!) The series premiers next Monday, and sadly, I had to cancel my Showtime! You bet your bottom dollar that I'll be seeing those new episodes without a hitch; meanwhile, I'll have my Complete Season One on DVD to keep me company. La Dolce Vita, No? You know, I don't know what it is that draws me to the television series Nurse Jackie (Peter Facinelli! Peter Facinelli! Peter Facinelli!); It could be the bright colors, the amazing all-star cast, or the sheer wittiness of the program. I would definitely recommend it, it's one of those shows that can be reached to a broad range of demographics.
Now, to tell you a little about my day... I went to school; I only have one class on Tuesdays, Spanish. I finished this incredibly stressful test, reviewed for chapter ten and went home. Oh! Let me tell you! I was talking to my friend Kristie before class, and this young man had the audacity to tell me to be quiet because he was trying to study. Frankly, I gave him my "Oh No You Didn't!" face and straight up said "NO!" If he needed to study, he should have done it at home, not before class. I felt like a total bitch, because then I commenced to talk EVEN LOUDER. I have that problem, I can't seem to keep my yapper closed. I think it's because I fear awkward silences, and before class there are always these dauntingly awkward silences! Mind you, I had a major Tourettes slip up today in class (tell me something I don't know, right?) Class was at the cusp of starting, and I couldn't find the paragraphs I had written, and very loudly, in the most dramatic voice I could conjur, I yelled out, "F*CK ME IN THE A*S", whereas, every boy (and girl!) turned their heads toward me, as if by robotic cadance, and started laughing. I figured, I hadn't been loud, but then again, I am partially deaf! It was mortifying, considering I had done the same a week prior in the same exact class when we were taking a test (I tried to get out from the wrong side of a LEFT HANDED desk!) and screamed the exact same obscenity a handful of times. I don't know why I do these things, I think I subconsciously crave the attention of others.
I love Mondays. I've always loved Mondays. Mondays, I have English, and Film with Professor Sierra. A very good friend of mine is in the same class with me, so, needless to say it's a gabfest, and we just have such a gay ol' time! I need to learn to shut up, though, seriously. My mouth gets me in so much trouble! Well behaved women never make it in history, right? Let's just hope so in this case, because I am the bawdiest, most tawdry young female you'll ever have the displeasure to meet. I've got some mouth on me, I'll tell you what!
So, the Million Dollar Question that's been on my mind is lately, "What Song Would You Sing if You Had to Sing Kareoke?" I think mine would be "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. It's one of those songs that can excite the whole audience. That, or "Bennie and the Jets" by Elton John. My Brother said he'd sing "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor, and my Sister said she'd do "Circus" by Britney Spears. Don't judge her, she was dropped on the head as a child. Of course, I'm only kiddding.

Oh! And if you haven't already, Join THE BEAT ARMY fanpage on Facebook! :-)